MARZ ATTAX
by Chandler Christensen
Summary: Yeah-Its hard to believe we actually turned this into something- a parody of a parody.


MARZ ATTAX

            A Screenplay by Chandler "you're supposed to have two?" Christensen

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

Sean Connery 

Simon Dice-doctor that discovers Sean is dead.

William the token British guy- doesn't really say much, just disagrees with Tony Blair a lot.

Thomas Milke-Thinks he's Shaq

Secret Service Agent 

Prez Clintone-Confused President

Rou Paul 

Elton John

Richard Mule-Donkey Faced Reporter

Napalien- Napoleon as a feminine alien

Tony Blair 

Town Drunk- Philosophical Drunk Guy

Jesus- kills Rou Paul and Elton John

Pete Frampton Texas Guy (Ringo Starr) 

ACTORS

Kevin Talwar- Prez Clintone, Rou Paul.

Chandler Christensen- Thomas Milke, Pete Frampton.

Tom Temperano- Sean Connery, Elton John, Napalien.

Simon Bernstein-Simon Dice

Ryan Keating-William the Token British guy.

Chris Meyerding-Richard Mule

Cory Peterson- Secret Service Agent

Tyler Binkley-Tom Cruise disguised as Tony Blair, and visa-versa 

Robbie Miller- Texan Redneck, (Ringo starr)

SCENE 1

EXT.CONNERYCASTLE.DAY

Scottish bagpipe music concentrates as we focus up on a gorgeous castle.

Inside SEAN CONNERY is having a delightful conversation…with himself.

SEAN CONNERY

Well yes sean, I was thinking of registering my own website, get this, YOURTHE MANDAWG.COM?

SEAN CONNERY

What !?!?!? That's Ludicrous!

Suddenly a spaceship crashes into his Castle.

We see WILLIAM and SIMON DICE, Simon is inspecting SEAN CONNERY's body (which mind you, Is severed) vigorously. He then rises, in anguish.

SIMON DICE

This Man is Dead!

Sad SCARY MUSIC.

CREDITS ROLL.

SCENE 2

At the white house we see THOMAS MILKE, who is approaching in full Lakers gear. He then opens the door with ease, but is stopped by SECRET SERVICE AGENT.

SSA

Excuse Bucko, but where do you think your going?

TM

(Surprised)

Oh I am sorry, My name is Shaquille O'Neal, you might have seen me on the television. Ah, well, My house ran out of brewskis, and  Kobe was thirsty so….

SSA

(Laughing and sarcastic)

OK Mr. O'Neal pass right through.

SSA Turns on walkie-talkie

SSA

Mr.Klintone you might wanna check this out; there's some guy down here that thinks he's Shaq!

PREZ CLINTONE arrives immediately.

TM is at the refrigerator. PC approaches him.

PC

Ahem, might I ask who you think you are, barging through my house and taking my Icelandic imports.

TM

Oh hey Mr.Prez, Its me Shaq 

PC Laughs

PC                                

Oh haha that's a good one.

TM 

you don't believe me?

PC

(Sarcastically)

Oh no, I know your shaq, good game last.um game….

TM

(pushing PC against the wall)

Shaq doesn't like it when people mock him

SSA approaches and removes shaq

PC

No no wait, if really shaq, tell me what you think of Kobe

TM

I suspect him of foul play. He kind of ignores the Laker girls, and they are well, the Laker girls. He also likes art, and what kind of person likes art, well Ill tell ya…a homosexual one.

PC 

Interesting, hmmm let him stay boys, he's not that bad. Oh and will you guys go pick off that sniper. Over they're…No not the one by the fountain. The other one. What do u mean you can't find him? Excuse me Mr.Shaq; I have um, business to tend to. Yeah that's it.

SCENE 3

It is a day later as we focus in on Thilly Tranthvethtites Gay Club. Rou Paul and Elton John are on stage playing it's raining men. 

WILLIAM and SSA are dancing to the music; WILLIAM is taking his shirt off and yelling gay comments rancid to the "straight" audience. Just as this happens NAPALIEN arrives, crashing in and killing the SSA, WILLIAM is crying.

NAPALIEN

Oh shut up, he didn't love you anyways

(Zaps William)

Are you the Earth leader.

ELTON JOHN

Well, baby, I dunno if you would call me a leader, I mean, in essence a leader is one that adds structure. I mean If I were to consider myself a leader, it would be of the people. You see, honestly baby, the world today just isn't full of enough leaders that our for the people. I mean, you have a democracy, or rather, a republic, which most of the countries in the collective EU are, but-

NAPALIEN 

Look if you don't shut up im gonna zap. Really stop it Stop.

JESUS ENTERS with his hand in his pockets….he approaches and sighs.

JESUS

Look I got nothing against you, but you understand. I mean, at least give me a chance to kill these guys too. Here is for influencing gays everywhere.

NAPALIEN zaps everyone except JESUS, who walks out.

SCENE 5

HEY CAN ONE OF YOU GUYS WRITE THE news broadcast scene?

SCENE 6

TONY BLAIR AND THE PREZ MEET UP TO TEAM UP AGAINST NAPALIEN, BUT NAPALIEN FINDS OUT WHERE THEY ARE HIDING AND KILLS THEM BOTH. TONY BLAIR ADMITS THAT HE IS REALLY TOM CRUISE.

SCENE 7

TEXAN GUYS KILLS A BUNCH OF ALIENS BUT DIES

SCENE 8 

SEAN CONNERY, JESUS and PETE FRAMPTON team up and kill NAPALIEN, WHO IS IMPOSING A HUMAN TAX.

SCENE 9

PETE FRAMPTON ENDS WITH PLAYING "BABY I LOVE YOUR WAY"

SCENE 10

We see the prez, who we thought was dead, just staring at the camera. He does this for about a minute, and then start breathing heavily, keeping a straight face throughout. WILLIAM then rises from PC's waste region.

WILLIAM

(Looking at Camera)

Is it over yet?

The pres pushes him back down to that region and we close with a punk song.


End file.
